STEVE jumps out of his car, and as he walks in, he notices a QUARTET of HOMELESS MEN cheerfully playing rhythm instruments in time to the music: tambourine, cowbell, egg shaker, makeshift drum set consisting of jugs. STEVE pauses, and then dances. STEVE does the RUNNING MAN. He does a TWO-STEP, pointing at PASSERSBY. They, in turn, are stopping to watch and getting into it a little bit. He does an IRISH STEP-DANCE. He does the WORM. STEVE and a CIRCLE OF STRANGERS are doing the HORA. The HOMELESS MEN are LOVING IT.INT – THE ZONING DEPARTMENT. A sign tells us that we are in the CITY OF PITTSBURGH DEPARTMENT OF CITY PLANNING – LAND USE & ZONING. STEVE strides in. HIS BOSS is bent over a copier, looking a little peevish. Then he looks up, sees STEVE, and his face lights up.
FIRAS
Ste-e-e-e-eve!
STEVE
FIRAS.
FIRAS
I saw you out there. Just now. Looked great. Nice moves, good look. Steve, why don’t you come into my office.
STEVE
Sure thing.
FIRAS
Good HAIR. I would kill for your hair, you know that? I would torture a man to death for hair like that.
STEVE nods sagely. FIRAS stares him in the eye. STEVE freezes. Then both of them burst out laughing. FIRAS claps STEVE a little too hard on the back and knocks him off balance.
INT – FIRAS’S OFFICE. Not all that big, but nicely furnished. A typical city department office. FIRAS is facing away from STEVE, toward the window. He turns, dramatically.
FIRAS
Two things. I want you to take over the surveying project on the South Side –
STEVE closes his eyes and balls his hands for another fist pump – smaller than before, but somehow more meaningful.
FIRAS
I know. I know. You were the guy for that project from Day One. I don’t know what I was thinking. I want you out there this morning. I want you to survey your little tush off. And second thing? It’s that time of year. Time for a raise. Oh yes. Time for me to put MY money where YOUR mouth is.
STEVE is not totally sure what this means.
FIRAS
leaning forward, quietly
Thirty-two point eight nine... six... EIGHT percent. YOU do the math.
STEVE
NO.
FIRAS smiles, avuncular, obviously very proud of his employee.
STEVE
quavering
Boss, I will NOT LET YOU DOWN.
FIRAS
GET OUT THERE AND KNOCK THEM ON THEIR ASS.
EXT – THE SOUTH SIDE. STEVE and another URBAN PLANNER named GEORDIE are examining a home. GEORDIE is holding up a MAP, which STEVE is assiduously marking up. GEORDIE lowers the map to reveal an OLD MAN sitting in a plastic chair in the front lawn, picking his feet.
OLD MAN
Say, what the hell you boys doin’.
STEVE
We’re with City Zoning.
GEORDIE
The Zoning Department.
OLD MAN
matter-of-fact, slightly defiant
Is that right? Well this here’s the Pickin’ Your Feet Zone.
GEORDIE is non-plussed.
STEVE
awestruck
This guy is awesome.
OLD MAN
Yee. I see you.
STEVE’S PHONE rings.
STEVE
softening – he is in love
Leslie. Yeah, you’re – downtown around 6pm? Let me tell you this – we are going out to eat tonight. I am gonna take you to Fat Ricky’s Steakhouse. Because Big Daddy Steve is winning a little more bread, starting TODAY – it’s like a bread carnival, and then I show up, and they got those milk jugs stacked up, and then they give me a softball, and then – awright yeah! Go catch your flight then, 6pm at my office – I missed you, sweetie, I love you, I double-nuv you, I nibble on the ear, nibble on the nose, nuzzle in the face, squizzle on the –
LESLIE has hung up. GEORDIE stares at STEVE, blinking.
STEVE
I love that woman.
OLD MAN
with quiet menace
Are you boys gonna get to feet-pickin’ or am I gonna have to come over there.
Stumble It!
1 comments:
Re: the Pittsburgh photo on this post, you perhaps saw it also at the top of the "36 Hours in Pittsburgh" article at http://travel.nytimes.com/2008/07/06/travel/06hours.html . My mom sent me a Pittsburgh calendar about a year and a half ago and it included, in the words of a Peace Corps friend, perhaps one too many iterations of this view. i.e., at night, in the winter, etc. But it's such a good view, I protested. But he's right, we really need to get another skyline view.
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